best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
