so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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