finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
