You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
