sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
