i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize