you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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