SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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