yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
