Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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