me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
