Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
