2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
