If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
