I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
