If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize