i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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