im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
