Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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