going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
