you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize