You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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