every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
