If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
