At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
