Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
