Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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