If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
