Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
