You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
