New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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