First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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