covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Can Purell be used as lube?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
