I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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