Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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