OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
