she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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