Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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