I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
try to milk me bitch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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