After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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