so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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