Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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