i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
