Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize