I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
