Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
