How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
