how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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