He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
