Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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