no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
