She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
