38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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