Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize