i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
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