Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
