yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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