I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
