The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
