I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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