I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
