It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
