Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
