True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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