Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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