I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
